Cork vs Kerry 5th July

Welcome one and all to the diary for the 2015 Munster Final, a diary that will be as one-eyed and biased as anything you're ever likely to read, owing to my intense hatred of Kerry, their football team and every last yerrah-ing bastard who ever came out of there.

Joining us in the studio today, the Croke Park studio for some unknown reason, are Colm O'Rourke, Joe Brolly and host Darragh Maloney. Pat Spillane is nowhere to be seen and for that we are all thankful.

Colm O'Rourke: Kerry have beaten Cork 11 or 12 times in a row in Killarney

Well apart from a good few draws along the way like.

The talk in the the studio puts heavy emphasis on 'a history of slaughter' with the odd blip here and there when Cork managed to catch Kerry napping.

To sum up: Kerry = ruthless

                   Cork = nice.

Brolly: Cork are the least rebellious rebels I have ever come across.

Down we go pitchside for an interview with Tomás Ó Sé and Alan Quirke.

Tomás seems to have returned the outfit he borrowed from Denis Taylor for last week's Sunday Game and looks like a fella who has just rolled out of bed after a solid feed of porter.

In true Kerryman fashion he talks up Cork but it's half-hearted enough and quite obvious that he doesn't believe it - I score it 2 out of 10 on the Yerrah-meter. He's been in Cork too long.

Back to the studio, and Darragh seems genuinely terrified whenever Brolly opens his mouth -Joe attempts to call Tomás on his plámásing but Maloney cuts him off, anticipating that he might say something interesting.

Colm: Eamonn Fitzmaurice seems to approach every game as a different game.

Now that's analysis!

Right, we're ready to go...Come on Cork, sew it into the fuckers.

Down we go to our commentary team of Ger Canning, and unrepentant Kerry fan Martin 'no malice whatsoever' Carney.

Carney: I expect Kerry to win, they have a relentless pursuit of perfection.

Today's referee is Paudie Hughes of Armagh, the man who gifted Kerry a draw in the 2010 Munster Final. Time to redeem yourself Paudie.

4 mins: Carney: Cork have started very impressively and are determined to strangle the Kerry defence by putting back numbers.

5 mins: Canning: I think both teams are just getting used to the refereeing here, what is allowed and what is not allowed. 

7 mins Marc Ó Sé has started well on Colm O'Neill, winning the first couple of duels between the pair.

9 mins Goal for Cork! Yes boy! Brilliantly set up by Mark Collins and Donncha O'Connor, and fisted to the net by Colm O'Neill.

Score Cork 1-01 Kerry 0-0

12 mins Carney: The tactic of 3 Cork forwards inside is working.

Cork are playing 2 forwards inside, Martin.

Oh Jesus Christ! Suicidal stuff from Cork in front of their own goal. They seemed to have the situation under control after an aimless ball across by O'Donoghue was gathered by Stephen Cronin, but he inexplicably handpassed it to Shields in a terrible position. The ball broke to Donaghy who fired it it from close range.

Another simple goal to add to the collection for the lanky goal-hanger.

Fucking hell.

13 mins Donaghy chases the ref out the field complaining that his jersey is being tugged. Wanker.

Donaghy is in my top 5 all time hated Kerry players. It takes something special to make that list, I've given it plenty of thought over the years...

1. Darragh Ó Sé

2. Paul Galvin

3. Aidan O'Mahony

4. Kieran Donaghy

5. Declan O'Sullivan

16 mins Clothesline tackle by Johnny Buckley on Eoin Cadogan - a stonewall black card, no ifs, ands, buts or maybes. 

Canning: And the colour of the card is going to be yellow...should be.

Carney: I don't think it was a deliberate pull down. It must be deliberate if you're going to get the black card.

Hughes, of course, flashes yellow. Bullshit. 

19 mins Fine point by the man who should have just been black carded, Johnny Buckley. Rage building.

Score Kerry 1-03 Cork 1-02

22 mins Paul Kerrigan hauls down Steven O'Brien as he bears down on goal - as blatant a black card as Buckley's earlier offence, so I expect a yellow.

Black card.

Absolute rubbish. Absolute FUCKING RUBBISH.

Carney: That looks at least to be a black card.

At least?! What are you proposing Martin? A red card? Fuck off back to Mayo or Donegal or wherever you're from you incoherent bollocks.

24 mins Really selfish play by Brian Hurley as he takes on a shot with Barry O'Driscoll bursting past him on the overlap - O'Driscoll might have been in on goal there.

26 mins Bryan Sheehan fouls Donncha O'Connor then grabs him by the throat after the whistle is gone, right under the referee's nose.

Canning: Bryan Sheehan would want to be careful lashing out like that because if the referee took another view to it there could be cards issued.

Carney: (Silence)

No cards were of course issued.

28 mins Beautifully struck free kick by Sheehan sends Carney into orgasm.

                                                                                   +

                                                                                =

31 mins 2 points in quick succession by BJ Keane, and Kerry lead by 3.

Canning: Suddenly Barry John Keane has pressed the acceleration button.

36 mins Fine score by Donncha O'Connor to end the half.

Halftime Score: Kerry 1-09 Cork 1-05


So the first half ends with Cork 4 points behind, facing into the wind in the second. They started really well but Kerry dominated the last 15 minutes, with Keane and O'Donoghue getting a lot of latitude close to goal. Cork's full forward line became a little isolated as the half wore on, and at the other end, while not doing very much, Donaghy caused panic around the goalmouth whenever the ball was delivered in.


Halftime Analysis

Colm: Star is lounging around with intent close to goal and Kerry have got a real grip on the game.

Brolly (describing Cork's goal) - it's the classic Chelsea goal.

Apart from all the handballs like.

Colm: We'll hear the roll of drums soon and the Gooch will appear.

Pass the sick bucket. Fuck the Gooch.


Second Half

Carney: Cork will have used the halftime break to regroup.


38 mins Goal for Cork! Get in! Lovely overlapping move set up by Paddy Kelly and Barry O'Driscoll and flicked to the net by Donncha O'Connor. Back in business!

40 mins Stephen Cronin hauled to the ground by O'Brien. Another blatant black card offence.
Don't do it to me Paudie, don't do it...

Yellow card. Jesus fucking Christ.

Even Carney thinks that was a black card for fuck's sake.

Carney: I felt that was a black card situation,

42 mins David Moran commits a third man tackle on Alan O'Connor, and finally a Kerryman is black carded. Hallelujah. 

Carney: It was a body check on the ball, and a black card situation was justified.

43 mins Alan O'Connor is absolutely steamrolling Kerry around the middle of the field since halftime.

44 mins Great turn and score by Colm O'Neill and Cork lead!

Score Kerry 1-10 Cork 2-08



Sick to the gills now of hearing about the number of All-Ireland medals Kerry's bench has. Why don't they stick Mikey Sheehy and Bomber Liston on the bench altogether and they'll have about 50.

49 mins Eoin Cadogan hauled to the ground by Donaghy.

Carney: The word 'deliberate' is the key word in the whole thing of issuing a black card and I don't think that tackle was deliberate.

You have seen Donaghy play before Martin, haven't you?

Canning: The black card of course makes it very hard for the referee because of course he's the arbiter.

So, the referee is the referee...got it.

Anyway, of course wee Paudie flashes the yellow and on we go.


52 mins WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!

Mark Collins and James O'Donoghue both go for a breaking ball. Collins arrives first, gets two hands to the ball, and O'Donoghue crashes into him. Both players tumble to the ground.
In runs the ref and signals for a penalty.

Absolutely no way on Earth was that a foul.

Carney: Maybe on second viewing it was a penalty, but a tough call.

Fuck off Martin.

Paudie Hughes goes in to consult with his umpires, who I assume are going to tell him that he's absolutely mental and to award a free out instead.

Penalty stands and O'Donoghue converts it.
Even better, the penalty incident was set up by Donaghy, who should be sitting in the dugout after his earlier challenge on Cadogan.

Blood absolutely boiling now.

63 mins Cork lull Kerry to sleep with an interminably slow buildup, then suddenly Shields blows past Colm Cooper and feeds Barry O'Driscoll, who slots a low shot beyond Kealy in the Kerry goal.

Stick that up your black card situation Carney. Cork back in the lead.

Score Kerry 2-14 Cork 3-12

Carney: Shields just drifted imperceptively, nobody tagging him and next thing drove at them, took it on himself to do it and great score.

67 mins Alan O'Connor charges into Donncha Walsh and knocks him over.

Carney: I think it was more of a menacing gesture than a malicious one.

68 mins Great save by Ken O'Halloran from Geaney prevents a certain goal.

71 mins A 45 for Cork, this could seal the victory...It drops short and Kerry try to work the ball up the field.

72 mins Canning: We've played the 2 minutes of stoppage time but surely the referee will add enough time for Kerry to have another chance.

Sure why wouldn't he?

73 mins Fionn Fitzgerald from corner back kicks a great score to be fair. Tie game.

Full Time Score

Kerry 2-15 Cork 3-12

Carney: I think it's a shame in some ways to see Paudie Huhes getting an escort off the pitch.

Indeed Martin, a king's chair from Donaghy and Johnny Buckley might be more appropriate.

Absolute robbery.

I've seen Kerry get some breaks over the years, but that was up there with the worst.


Full time Analysis

Brolly: I cannot tell you how delighted I am to see Cork off their knees...the thing they showed today was courage, conspicuous courage.

Brolly then tries to address the injustice of the penalty: Cork suffered the affront of the penalty. Wee Paudie, in fairness to him, wouldn't know a penalty if it bit him in arse.

Darragh, fearing the worst, cuts across Brolly, and more or less refuses to let him talk about the penalty incident.

Brolly: You couldn't make it up. It's not the first time Paudie has done that.

Maloney constantly interrupts to make the point that he only had a split second to make up his mind on the incident.

Strange broadcasting this, refusing to let an analyst analyse the key incident in the game.
RTE are obviously terrified of what Brolly will say, but he is on the money here and effectively being censored by Maloney.



So there we have it. Robbed again in a Munster Final. Conceded a ridiculous goal in the first half. Numerous black card offences by Kerry players unpunished. One of the worst penalty decisions I have ever seen... and still Cork never gave in.
They battled back from every sucker punch, and that's what we all want to see from this Cork team - heart, character, the emergence of leaders from the shadows of the 2010 team.
Barry O'Driscoll exemplified Cork today - he ran hard, took the game to Kerry and put them on the back foot whenever he was on the ball.
Alan O'Connor was a wrecking ball in the middle third, laying waste to Kerry with hard tackling and high fielding.
Mark Collins was calm and assured in possession and covered more ground than anyone.
This was a great performance by Cork and they have to believe they can go to Killarney in two weeks and put those fuckers away.
Nothing would give me greater pleasure.


Slán,

Dublin v Kildare 28th June

...Aaaand we're back!
Apologies for the two week hiatus - An insane wedding and bruised knuckles from the Dublin Junior Hurling Championship laid me low for a while but we're back on track and raring to go.
Still on a massive high after Westmeath's amazing win today against Meath, and I feel this game may just be the methadone I need to bring me back to normality.

The burning questions for today's game: Can Kildare mount a chall....
Actually, let's not bother. This is going to be a hiding.

Our commentary team for today's game: Marty Morrissey and Kevin McStay.

Also joining us through the magic of Whatsapp are my buddies Dave and Ted - I feel I will need all the help I can get to lash out a readable blog from this game.

National Anthem check: No opera singers. Perfect.

First Half

4 mins: Fantastic dispossession by Jonny Cooper prevents a certain Kildare goal - great corner back play.

8 mins: Goal for Dean Rock, set up well by Philly McMahon. Too easy.

Kevin McStay: "Almost a no-look pass there."

9 mins: Classic Marty Morrissey overreaction as Diarmuid Connolly taps over a point from 12 yards.

"Look at the skill of Connolly!"

A Kildare player is receiving medical treatment and the play is stopped.

Marty Morrissey: "Ollie Lyons has a hand difficulty".

13 mins: Goal for Bernard Brogan as his vicious first time shot smashes Connolly in the face. Brogan curtails his celebrations to check on his teammate.

Marty Morrissey: "Diarmuid Connolly might need an Anadin for that headache."


My buddy Dave is settling in nicely for the game:

Nice bit of grub Davey.


Dave: Michael Darragh needs a new hairstyle (thumbs down).

Me: Christ, Kildare are pathetic.

Dave: Bored, gonna start scoring the hairstyles:

Michael Darragh - 3 on 10 (thumbs down)
Brogan: 8 on 10...handsome bastard
Dean Rock: 6 on 10

16 mins: A nice touch as there is a round of applause from the Hill to mark the deaths of the students in Berkeley, and also the two Dublin supporters who died recently in Portmarnock. This has been well publicised all week, but Marty has absolutely no idea what's going on, as he says uncertainly:

"Eh, a round of applause there..."

23 mins: Goal chance for Kildare fired wide.

Marty: "There was a bend on it, but it was bending outside."

31 mins: Bernard Brogan turns and shoots from straight in front of goal, 21 yards out. Routine score but Marty's having none of it:

"Brogan with a lovely score from a difficult enough angle".

Me: MDMA is difficult enough to warm to...not the drug obviously.

Ted: Huh? MDMA?

Me: Macauley's nickname

Ted: Nice name.

Me: I think Connolly's nickname should be 'Heroin'.

Dave: Conway's hair: 7 on 10.

Me: I think all the Dublin players should be made to smoke 5 Rothmans at halftime

36 mins: Goal for Connolly. At his ease. Nice lazy finish.

Kevin McStay: "The oxygen has been taken out of the Kildare support."

Halftime score: Dublin 3-10 Kildare 0-6.

Dublin are coasting here - even with Cluxton struggling to find his mark with several kickouts, it has been a cakewalk. Jonny Cooper has given an exhibition of corner back play, and Ciaran Kilkenny has been on fire at the other end, with four points from play.

Halftime Analysis

Brolly: The balls to the Dublin full forward line have been delivered with a cushion and a top hat. Football of the very highest order.

Spillane: Superb.

Dave: Looking forward to scoring the pundits:

Darragh Moloney - 6 on 10
Brolly - 4 on 10
Spillane - 1 on 10
Poor showing from Kerry so far.

Dave (on Spillane):  shocking, looks like his hair was cut with a hedge trimmer.

Dave: Wowza,

Me: Brogan was at our club last week coaching kids. Apparently all the mothers were there in full makeup.

Dave: LOL

Spillane: This is Barcelona playing Yeovil Town.

Brolly: I remember speaking to Bernard Brogan in a nightclub, we were having a few drinks.

Spillane (interrupting): Jesus.

Brolly speaks about how Dublin have tweaked their playing style this year:

"Dublin last year was the Harlem Globetrotters playing against white men."


Second Half

42 mins Jim Gavin is giving the subs a run, nice to see.

46 mins: Marty: "The player that's going off is the yellow card, Tommy White."

47 mins: Mark Donnellan in the Kildare goal has made two fine saves since the break.

48 mins: Referee David Coldrick is clearly bored and is running around Croke Park flashing double yellow cards to anyone misbehaving. Lazy refereeing really, and a contrast to the fine refereeing performance in the Meath Westmeath game.

49 mins: A ringing endorsement of Kildare by Marty:

"Several of these Kildare players are still giving 100%."

Dave: I said earlier that McMemamin looks like Dessie Farrell, I meant Charlie Redmond. Just wanted to clear that up.

Me: Not a great compliment. Redmond was very dog-like. A dog with a sweet right foot.

Dave: Alan Brogan 7 on 10

Me: Combined haircut score of Brogans: 16 on 20.

Dave: Solid performance yeah. They obviously spur each other on.

With Dublin 12 points ahead, Kevin McStay has seen enough and puts the boot in:

"OK there's a big margin on the scoreboard, but not in the performance." I'd say they're fairly happy with it Kevin.

58 mins: An 'entanglement' breaks out in the middle of the field. In rushes David Coldrick...what will the decision be I wonder?
Two yellows!
Jonny Cooper on the ground with an arm across his throat will be delighted with that.

62 mins: Penalty to Dublin and a black card for the Kildare keeper. On comes the sub goalie for his first taste of intercounty football, facing a Diarmuid Connolly penalty.

Kevin McStay: "Best of luck with that, as they say."

Dave: Sub keeper 4 on 10.

Connolly buries the penalty and Kevin has words of encouragement for Kildare:

"There's life after this for Kildare, remember the qualifiers are there." Inspirational!

67 mins: Simple goal for Bernard Brogan as he plays a one-two with Paddy Andrews and the ball is almost walked into the net.

Marty: "That really is something special!"

Full time: Dublin 5-17 Kildare 0-14

Marty: "For Jim Gavin, this game is over".
Kevin McStay: "You'd have to be impressed".

What have we learned today? Nothing really. Dublin are really, really good at hammering bad teams, but we knew that last year. The big tests are yet to come, and how they can react to adversity remains to be seen.

Bernard Brogan's post-match interview:

Dave: Dat 'do though...

Me: Jesus, Brogan keeps the hair well during the match. He probably gets a touch up at halftime when he should be having his fags.


Post-Match Analysis

Spillane clearly had the calculator out in the last few minutes, and besides spelling out 'BOOBS' and showing it to Joe, he is rattling off average winning margins and scoring rates and all sorts of other figures.

Brolly: "Dublin are ambitious, honest and entertaining. You'll never be bored watching the Dubs."

Spillane: "There were 50,000 here at the start of the game and still 30 to 35,000 left at full time. That's because Dublin are beautiful to watch."

 I make that a 30% reduction in numbers Pat.

Brolly has been trying his best to needle Pat all afternoon to no avail, and has one last pop:

"Kerry won the All-Ireland last year and nobody outside Kerry gave a damn."

No reaction.

Pat finishes things off for us with his usual cutting edge insight into modern Gaelic football:

"If you want to compete against Dublin, you have to get stuck into them."

If only Jason Ryan was so wise...


Right, sin a bhfuil...

Tune in next week when we have a double header of Cork games to give out about. I swore blind I would never travel to Killarney again after last time, but you never know...


Slán.

Cork vs Waterford 7th June

Munster Hurling Semi Final Cork vs Waterford

Welcome one and all to the Munster Hurling semi final between Cork and Waterford from Semple Stadium – a rematch of this year's league final that Waterford won comfortably five weeks ago.

The general consensus seems to be that Cork will have learned from the league final and have Waterford's style of play sussed out – I'm not so sure – Cork should have known full well of Waterford's gameplan coming into the league final having seen them beat Tipperary in the semi, but it didn't seem to matter that day.

Waterford's game is reliant on good use of the ball, short passing and long range shooting, and at the back, denying space and goal chances with extra defenders.

Padraic Mahony is a huge loss for them today, having accounted for more than half of their scores in the league.

Cork must use the ball better today – in the league final, they played into Waterford's hands by raining long, aimless deliveries down on top of their outnumbered full forward line and were caught out by Waterford's powerful running from the middle of the field.

Bad news for Cork before the throw in, as Seamus Harnedy is ruled out through injury, to be replaced by Patrick Cronin.

Pre-game Analysis

Joining Darragh Moloney today for the pregame analysis are Cyril Farrell and Liam Sheedy.

Darragh: “Cork know what to expect from Waterford today, or do they?”

Cyril: “Jimmy Barry Murphy should say to his players, we'll play our system today, whatever it is.”

Indeed Cyril, that's exactly what Cork people are afraid of.

Cyril seems particularly agitated today, like a man who downed a pot of strong coffee five minutes before coming on air, one sentence rear-ending the previous almost before it exists.

Down we go to our commentary team of Ger Canning and Brendan Cummins.

Canning sets out his stall early by launching straight into the nonsense – this is championship hurling after all.

“A little birdie told me that Maurice Shanahan was here in Semple Stadium during the week practising frees. That little birdie was a robin redbreast from Cork.”

First Half

1 min Point from Conor Lehane featuring some good short passing in the buildup.

2 mins Mark Ellis comes forward from the half back line and hits a good score.

5 mins Two early wides from Maurice Shanahan, Waterford look nervous and slow to settle.

8 mins Patrick Horgans fluffs a decent goal chance, with Alan Cadogan inside him screaming for a handpass. A tad selfish and the kind of goal chance that a team like Kilkenny would convert as a matter of routine.

10 mins Seven wides already for Waterford, mostly from long range efforts.

15 mins Two points on the bounce by the much-maligned Pa Cronin, the first set up really well by Alan Cadogan.

Canning: “Cork's players are all in college, or have been.”

17 mins Three bad wides now for Aidan Walsh, at least two of which could have delivered into the full forward line.

21 mins Daniel Kearney is everywhere today, popping over a point having been back defending in his own full back line moments ago.

Score Cork 0-05 Waterford 0-02

Mark Ellis comes forward again but this time misses the target from a good position.

Brendan Cummins makes the standard “That's why he's a defender” comment which sends Canning into hysterics. Good stuff.

24 mins Colin Dunford shows an electrifying turn of pace to race away from the Cork defence and head for goal. He takes a good flaking from at least three Cork players before eventually being hauled down inside the square. Referee Barry Kelly awards a 21 yard free when a penalty was probably deserved.

26 mins Goal for Waterford! Maurice Shanahan fields a high ball over Damien Cahalane, turns and rifles the ball into the top corner of the net. Even Nash's flying hurley couldn't stop that one. Where was Shane O'Donnell? Cahalane was Cork's last line of defence there, jumping for the ball with two Waterford men.

27 mins Great long range score by Tadhg de Burca for Waterford to put them one ahead.

Score Cork 0-07 Waterford 1-05

Cork's play has become fairly aimless, hitting high balls in the direction of Waterford's sweeper in the half back line.

28 mins Point by Luke O'Farrell – a notable feature of the first half has been the combination play of Bill Cooper and Pa Cronin.

29 mins Unbelievable stuff! Another goal for Waterford – Jake Dillion takes a pass on the move from Brick Walsh and buries the ball past Anthony Nash. Cormac Murphy badly caught out ball watching. There didn't seem to be much danger and Cork had numbers back, but Murphy was asleep.

32 mins Pa Cronin's physical presence is causing problems for Waterford as he taps over his third point of the half.

33 mins Alan Cadogan is really struggling to keep his feet today, it's almost as if he tries to turn with the ball too quickly for his own legs.

34 mins Canning accidentally says 'Fuck' as he can't decide whether he wants to say 'puck' or 'free'.

One of the highlights of an action-packed first half.

36 mins Good point by Cadogan to finish the half for Cork. Three point in a row now to answer the last Waterford goal.

Half time score: Cork 0-11 Waterford 2-06

Canning: “Only a point in it at halftime, it could not be any closer.”

Well, it could, but, you know...

An entertaining half in which Cork were well on top for about 25 minutes. By and large they have used possession well, hitting short puckouts and working the ball forward with short passes to the free men around the middle. Cronin and Cooper are getting a lot of possession with time and space to operate in. When they hit the ball aimlessly long, Waterford inevitably benefit.

At the other end, the Cork backs seems confused by the lack of structure of the Waterford attack. Steven O'Donnell is getting drawn away from the edge of the square, and only for the excellence of Anthony Nash, Waterford would have scored another goal. They have also hit nine wides, mostly from difficult long range shots.

Half time Analysis

Cyril Farrell analyses Waterford's first half goal chances so quickly that he has the two goals described before the first one is shown hitting the net. He is badly out of sync now as Nash is shown making a fine save as Cyril says “Bang! Back of the net”.

Second Half

37 mins Two points in a row from frees for Maurice Shanahan, the second coming from a silly foul by Damien Cahalane on Brick Walsh.

38 mins Anothony Nash is going long with his puckouts. This was Cork's downfall in the league final...

41 mins Shane Fives is having a fine game on Alan Cadogan, not giving him room to breathe.

Cork's gameplan is starting to unravel a little bit, things are getting panicky. Nash is trying to go short with most of his restarts, but the Cork back receiving the pass (mainly Shane O'Neill) is just lumping it aimlessly forward instead of looking for a short ball to a nearby teammate. Exactly what Waterford want.

44 mins This may be the first time I have ever typed these words – Good work from the umpire! – as he spots that Pa Cronin's effort had gone over the bar before being batted back into play by O'Keefe.

Cork 0-13 Waterford 2-10

46 mins Leaving Cert student Shane Bennett scores with his first touch, Waterford are threatening to run away with this.

49 mins Lovely score by Steven Bennett after a powerful run by Austin Gleeson. He is a force to be reckoned with carrying the ball out of defence.

52 mins To me, Waterford look fitter and physically stronger than Cork – Maurice Shanahan outmuscles Steven McDonnell to set up Kevin Moran for a nice point.

Brendan Cummins has been excellent in co-commentary today, if a little too effusive in his praise of both goalkeepers. He is currently sitting in second place my co-commentary league, just trailing the grouchy pragmatism of Dónal O'Grady.

53 mins Patrick Cronin's fifth point of the day! He has been outstanding and I have been very critical of him in the past. He is finding a lot of space out there today and making good use of it.

56 mins Aidan Walsh goes for a score from a sideline ball and drives it well wide. WARNING – INCOMING SIDELINE BALL RANT!

Just because you are capable of getting good distance on a sideline cut doesn't mean that you have to try and put every single one of them over the bar. I blame Joe Canning for making the sideline cut sexy, now everyone wants to score them. I have no idea of the conversion rate but if I had to guess I would say somewhere around 10-15%. Just not worth it. Use the sideline cut to go short where possible, and if not, drop the ball into a dangerous area and put the defence under some sort of pressure.

I'm all in favour of awarding two points for a converted sideline, and that might justify attempting such a difficult shot at goal, but until then – JUST STOP FECKIN SHOOTING!

58 mins Another burst of extreme pace from Dunford wins Waterford a free in front of goal. Shanahan converts.

With all the talk of Leaving Certs today, it hasn't been a good day for Ger Canning's maths:

“Maurice Shanahan has done every bit as well as Paudric Mahony could have done today on the frees, he's only missed one.”

63 mins Red Card for Luke O'Farrell for an off-the-ball incident spotted by an umpire. No idea what happened, and no replay.

65 mins Shane O'Neill loses possession from a short puckout and Shane Bennett gets another good score.

69 mins Penalty for Cork! Great catch and strength by Conor Lehane, surrounded by four defenders. He has really tried hard to take on the Waterford defence in the second half.

Brilliantly taken penalty by Patrick Horgan – hard and low to the keeper's bad side. No chance for O'Keefe. Only two points in it now!

72 mins Ugh – game over – Waterford waltz through for another goal almost immediately. Well set up again by Brick Walsh, delaying the pass until the right moment and finished at the third attempt by Tom Devine.

Final Score: Cork 1-21 Waterford 3-19

Waterford remain unbeaten in 2015, and today scored 3-19, hit fourteen wides and forced three very good saves from Anthony Nash. All over the field they were stronger, faster and crucially, more composed than Cork.

In the early stages, Cork seemed to have an effective gameplan in place, but for reasons unknown, drifted away from it as the game wore on. The player receiving the short puckout must have the confidence and composure to find a teammate with a short pass and build the attack from there. Every aimless ball down the field was swallowed up by the Waterford defence and drained Cork's belief.

A game like today's was tailor-made for Conor O'Sullivan – he could have played as a sweeper in front of the full back line and would be the ideal target for Nash's short puckouts – he actually wants the ball in those situations and always uses it well. No point in dwelling on that now I suppose...

So, the round 1 qualifier minefield for Cork, along with Dublin and Clare. Waterford are into a Munster final against either Tipperary or Limerick and are developing into a really exciting, well organised young team with no fear of the traditional big names.

Post Match Analysis

Darragh Moloney: “You can teach fellas anything, but you can't teach them not to panic.”

Cyril Farrell, still agitated and excited, wraps things up for us – there is simply no way I can keep up with him so just had to jot done phrases here and there:

“Cork's lack of underage success...can Waterford challenge for an All-Ireland...Leaving Cert...playing to their system...Brick Walsh and Gleeson...Nash played well...Bennett isn't as fast as the brother...his father is kind of working away behind the scenes...Cork needed goals but twas Waterford got them...” all delivered in about ten manic seconds.

I think we all need to take a breath after that.

Slán, and get well soon to Michael Lyster.

Dublin vs Galway 31st May

Dublin vs Galway 31^st May

Welcome one and all to the third weekend of the GAA diary and the start of the Leinster Hurling Championship in Croke Park!

Dublin are slight favourites for this one, but the men from west Leinster are unpredictable and many experts are tipping them to edge it.

The usual clichés aside, this is close to a must-win game for both teams – the loser is straight into Round 1 of the qualifiers, which will contain three Munster teams and is a real minefield. Galway tried the qualifier route last year and found their legs blown off, figuratively speaking, in the first week of July, losing out to Tipperary.

Injuries have significantly weakened the Galway starting fifteen, with Conor Cooney, David, Daithí and Niall Burke all missing out.

Dublin have an imposing-looking half forward line of Ryan O'Dwyer, Liam Rushe and Danny Sutcliffe and makeshift Galway centre-back Iarla Tannion will have his hands full.

Can Dublin find the goalscoring touch that has eluded them for the last three years?

Can Galway get enough ball into Joe Canning at full forward?

Can Ryan O'Dwyer avoid getting sent off?

Will the Dublin fans abandon their pints to come in and support their team?

Stay tuned, all will be revealed...

Pre Match Analysis – where is Tomás?

Tomás Mulcahy wrote a strange article during the week in response to the standard of play in the Waterford Limerick game last Sunday, the essence of it being that laptops are taking over hurling.

Perhaps Tomás is the man to travel back in time and assassinate the inventor of the microchip and save us all from the ruination of hurling. He may as well take out the inventor of the hurling helmet as well while he's at it, judging from this quote:

“So what message are we sending out to parents of young kids? Everyone has to wear a helmet now so automatically parents will deem ours a very dangerous game and little Johnny will be sent off to play some other sport. Our loss.”... “I think lads will pull away because you simply can't hurt a player. Just look at American Football where there is no fear because the head is protected when players are jumping into tackles and that.”

(Mulcahy, Tomás 2010)

Somebody give this man a job where he has access to the national airwaves!

Unfortunately, today's panel is the duo of Eddie Brennan and Ger Loughnane, and Tomás is nowhere to be seen.

Rudyard Kipling is referenced heavily in the pre-match chatter, a rather heavy-handed metaphor about the law of the jungle by Michael Lyster is taken on enthusiastically by the analysts -

Ger Loughnane: “The strength of the pack is the wolf and the strength of the wolf is the pack”.

Eddie Brennan, promoting inter-species co-operation: “Talking of the jungle, it's about what types of animals you want in your pack”.

As we approach the 20^th anniversary of the release of Jagged Little Pill, Eddie does Alanis Morrissette proud:

“It's ironic that Galway came so close to winning an All-Ireland in 2013”.

I imagine the following exchange as Eddie and Ger travelled up to Dublin this morning...

Ger: Have you any aul music at all in the car Eddie? I can't be listening to your ráiméis all the way to Dublin.

Eddie: Lookit I suppose in a way there's an Alanis Morissette album there in the glovebox.

Ger: Getting some music on here is vital. The last trip we were on, you talked and talked and talked about the size of Brian Cody's ears. I'll tell you something now – they're not that big.

Eddie: I suppose that's a fair point in terms of the ears, but what stands out to me, seeing them in person is how pink they are. Big pink ears. I suppose the prevailing wisdom is that as lads get older, they stop growing. But as the fella says, the ears never stop growing. So I think what you'll see from Brian in years to come is even bigger ears, if anything, if you like.

Ger: Right, I'm putting on the feckin' CD now and will you please stay quiet. Only that you look like Alan Partridge I'd have no time for you at all.

Pre-match predictions: Ger: Galway

Eddie: Both teams will want to avoid the qualifiers.

Down we go to our commentary team of Marty Morrissey and Dónal O'Grady.

First Half

1 min Cyril Donnellan, being marked by Conal Keaney, fires over a nice point.

3 mins Donnellan breaks free again, and his goal attempt causes a panicky goalmouth scramble, eventually cleared.

6 mins Referee James McGrath seems to be blowing for every third foul here, a lot of holding going on.

Marty Morrissey: “There is a strong crossfield breeze up here on the seventh floor.”

11 mins Long-range point from Donnellan – Galway are working hard and well on top in the initial stages.

15 mins Galway midfielders and half-forwards are not in any way inclined to let the ball inside to Joe Canning at the edge of the square, opting for pot-shots from range. Dónal O'Grady's annoyance is palpable.

17 mins Mark Schutte for Dublin is showing well for the ball and his direct style is causing problems for Johnny Coen.

I find myself nodding along with most of what O'Grady has to say in co-commentary. His pragmatic, tough-love style is strangely entertaining. He dislikes, above all else, wasted possession, and there is plenty of that going on here.

19 mins Marty's voice breaks into a pre-pubescent squeal as Galway midfielder Joseph Cooney breaks onto a loose ball, carries it forward, and fires to the net. Well taken goal.

Score: Galway 1-06 Dublin 0-04

21 mins Schutte's ball-winning is keeping Dublin in the game. He scores again from a great crossfield pass from Ryan O'Dwyer.

Dublin are finding space now in the middle third and have rattled off the last three points since the Galway goal. An excellent response.

O'Dwyer is playing slightly deeper than usual and doing a creditable impression of a poor man's Patrick Bonnar Maher.

Score: Galway 1-06 Dublin 0-07

30 mins Johnny Coen is yellow carded – Chutte is giving him a proper roasting..

32 mins Twice in the space of five minutes, Dublin full back Peter Kelly has lost possession in front of his own goal, a cardinal sin for a defender. Both times they have been lucky to get the ball clear.

34 mins Mark Schutte again! What a performance. Shortens the grip in traffic and flicks the ball over the bar.

35 mins Bad wide from Canning – he's really struggling to get into the game.

Half time score: Galway 1-09 Dublin 0-11

A strange half – Galway were well on top and Cyril Donnellan was threatening to run riot until Cooney's goal woke Dublin up. There have been sporadic bursts of the sort of intensity you expect from championship hurling along with some really poor, lacklustre passages of play.

Mark Schutte has been outstanding for Dublin, while at the other end, Joe Canning has done very little. Galway should surely be trying to feed him the ball more regularly rather than shooting from distance.

Ger Loughnane: “A slow boiler of a game”.

Eddie Brennan: “I'd go as far as to say the Galway forwards needs to squeeze up on the Dublin backs and stop them coming out with the ball”.

Second Half

37 mins Poor Marty is really struggling to differentiate between players wearing the same colour helmets. The sooner Tomás Mulcahy completes his mission the better.

39 mins Fine point by Danny Sutcliffe for Dublin.

42 mins Six points from frees now for Dublin , David Treacy is unerring.

Score: Galway 1-9 Dublin 0-14

48 mins Ryan O'Dwyer is winning a lot of possession around the middle and causing problems for Galway.

54 mins Joe Canning gets his first score from play from a decent low delivery.

Score: Galway 1-12 Dublin 0-17

57 mins Canning has given up playing full forward and started to drift out the field. Galway have no full forward line and it's hurting them.

60 mins It was only a matter of time...Ryan O'Dwyer is yellow-carded for a dangerous tackle on Iarla Tannion, arriving late and catching Tannion in the head. If only helmets weren't compulsory, that might never have happened...

O'Dwyer's Tazmanian devil style of tackling is always bordering on reckless and it wouldn't surprise me if he is substituted shortly.

63 mins The game is there for the taking for both teams but neither seem to want it. Galway have hit thirteen wides, many of them from poor positions.

67 mins The last few minutes of play mean that I must downgrade this game from 'average' to 'poor'. Really aimless stuff from both sides.

68 mins David Treacy misses a scorable free which would have put Dublin two ahead.

69 mins Point for Galway! Aidan Harte with a good score to level the game.

70+ mins Referee James McGrath blows the full time whistle even though most of the two minutes of additional time were taken up with substitutions – I don't think the ball was actually in play for any of it. The sooner the timekeeping mess is sorted out the better.

Final Score:

Galway 1-17 Dublin 0-20

I don't quite know how Galway managed to get a draw out of this game. Most of the standout players were on the Dublin side – Ryan O'Dwyer, Mark Schutte, David Treacy.

Joe Canning didn't look sharp and Galway made little attempt to feed him the ball. Having said that, Galway had several goal chances that they didn't capitalise on, and the loss of Peter Kelly to injury is a significant one.

Dublin may be demoralised to have been dominant in so many key areas and still not come out on top. As well as that, Canning missed two relatively straightforward frees, and the Galway backs fouled far too frequently.

Anybody's game in the replay, let's hope it's a better match.

Slán.

Limerick vs Clare  24^th May

Welcome one and all to the first game of the Munster Hurling Championship from Semple Stadium in Thurles, and we have an intriguing game in prospect. Both teams have had disappointing National League campaigns and will be eager to make a big impression here.

In last year's championship, Limerick were relatively successful – a big win over Tipperary early on, beaten by Cork in a closely contested Munster Final, and losing out to Kilkenny in a riveting All-Ireland semi-final in atrocious conditions largely through the brilliance of Richie Hogan. The wet day suited Limerick, but it suited Kilkenny more.

Clare, on the other hand, had a year to forget, losing out to Wexford after extra time in a replayed game, having been reduced to thirteen men, but in reality, it was Wexford's wayward shooting in both games that kept the Banner men in it.

Still, Shane O'Donnell's back has finally recovered after eighteen months in the saddle following his hattrick in the 2013 final, and Tony Kelly seems to be recovering his player of the year form after a poor campaign last year.

Much has been made of problems in the camp, defections to the footballers and harsh punishment rituals, but their build up to this game has been decidedly low-key, leading everyone to wonder if Davy is waiting in the long grass with a helium balloon and tinfoil hat, to pop out at the end of the game and say “I told ye all, so I did”.

Pre-match Analysis

Davy's demeanour in the pregame interview is that of a lad hanging around outside a chip shop at half past two looking for a fight. At any moment I expect him to come out with “What did you just say” and square up to Claire McNamara. In the end Claire backs down and confrontation is avoided.

The panel today: Liam Sheedy, Cyril Farrell and newcomer Henry Shefflin, whose pink tie it must be said is clashing violently with his ginger hair. An early statement of intent from the Kilkenny man.

Lots of borderline nonsense from Cyril Farrell early doors but he does speak at an incredible rate so I suppose it's to be expected:

“Limerick play on the cuff a bit more than Clare”

“Shane Dowling is already the future of Limerick hurling”

You get the gist.

Henry wades into the action with “Tony Kelly is 23 now and coming into his prime as a hurler”.

(Kelly turned 21 in December).

Sheedy: “If Clare give away frees, Shane Dowling will persevere every chance.”

One final remark from Cyril before we go down pitchside: “Shane O'Donnell will be twisting and turning like a hare being hounded by a hound.”

Down we go to Ger Canning and Michael Duignan as the game is about to start – thankfully today we have no opera singers dragging the arse out of the National Anthem and the crowd is fired up.

Here we go!

First Half

Immediately it's noticeable that there are a lot of bodies around the middle third. Shane O'Donnell seems to be operating as a one man full forward line, and Shane Dowling similarly at the other end.

Limerick are going direct early - a long high ball into Dowling, who makes a great catch and is fouled.

Dowling goes for goal from the free, it's saved and the rebound falls to a Limerick forward who is immediately fouled in front of goal.

Clare's defending last year was panicky and indisciplined, and early signs here are for more of the same.

5 mins Shane O'Donnell is being double marked and does well to win a free which is converted by Colin Ryan.

The early exchanges are frantic within the congested midfield area. O'Donnell is being forced to drift out towards the sideline to look for possession.

11 mins Debutant Cian Lynch fires over a lovely score after a jinking run. No sign of nerves as he ran at the Clare defence.

12 mins Another silly free conceded by Clare

Score Limerick 0-6 Clare 0-3

Cian Lynch breaks out some fancy flicks and seems right at home in this game. Picks off another good point.

20 mins Limerick are well on top here, but there is an awful lot of aimless hurling by both teams.

26 mins Davy gets his first talking-to from the referee. We can see him gesticulating wildly but RTE disappointingly have placed the sideline mic out of range of his high-pitched ranting.

31 mins Duignan: “This is brutal stuff”.

35 mins The number of silly frees conceded by Clare is staggering.

A bit of pushing and shoving near the sideline turns nasty and Pat O'Donnell catches Donal O'Grady with a solid belt on the chin with the hurley. A red card and rightly so, right on the stroke of halftime.

A terrible first half, full of aimless solo running, short passing, bad wides and poor use of possession. One man double marked in each full forward line and twenty two fellas swinging out of eachother in the middle third.

Limerick have missed three scoreable frees and should be further ahead. Clare's lack of discipline is something that obviously hasn't been addressed – I make that four red cards in their last three championship outings, and the fouls being committed by their backs are silly and obvious.

The only real highlights have been the performances of Shane O'Donnell and Cian Lynch, but all in all a dreary first thirty five minutes.

Half Time Analysis

Michael Lyster lifts up the RTE studio rug and tries to sweep the first half neatly under it, with:

“I suppose this is what happens when so much is depending on a match”

Come off it Michael – a lot depends on every championship match. This is what happens when two managers send their teams out to play in a negative fashion, that's obvious to everyone watching.

A first on an RTE hurling panel as all three experts are openly critical of the standard of play. (To be fair, Tomás Mulcahy is as láthair. An rud is annamh is iontach.)

Here's hoping for a better second half.

Second Half

37 mins Great start by Clare, two quick points to level the score at ten apiece.

Dónal O'Donovan is in real trouble trying to contain Cian Lynch's trickery.

Ger Canning had a quiet first half by his standards, not bothering to inform us about the number of championship matches various players have played, but he is beginning to spout some good gibberish now, early in the second half, as Shane Dowling stands over a free:

“Shane Dowling reporting for duty, and as usual he's absolutely commendable.”

He then gets in a bizarre reference to the movie Kramer vs Kramer as Clare win a sideline ball. I am struggling to see the connection.

40 mins Brilliant score by John Conlon from near the sideline. Slightly more orthodox set up by Clare in the second half, pushing more men forward.

The needle on Ger's ráméis-ometer is stuck firmly in the red now as a Limerick player accidentally drops his hurley chasing after the ball:

“It's like the egg and spoon race where you lose the egg, this time he lost the spoon however.”

Duignan correctly observes that the game is much livelier now, to which Canning excitedly proclaims: “It's like we're living in a different country Michael!”

46 mins Great solo run and score by Tom Condon for Limerick.

Score: Limerick 0-13 Clare 0-12

48 mins Clare substitute Aaron Cunningham bursts through and fires just over the bar, could have easily been a goal.

Clare's needless fouling shows no sign of letting up, and Dowling is punishing them remorselessly – one beauty from eighty five metres. He has now scored ten points from frees.

51 mins Goal for Limerick! Graham Mulcahy strikes to the net after a fumble by the Clare keeper.

Things looking bad for Clare now.

52 mins Wait a second! Brilliant individual goal by Aaron Cunningham, bursting past three defenders and finishing off the stick to the bottom corner. The game is coming to life.

54 mins Tony Kelly fires over from an impossible angle and Clare are right back in the game.

Score Limerick 1-16 Clare 1-14

55 mins It's all happening now – Red card for Limerick's Seanie Tobin who has been on the field less than ten seconds - this must be some kind of record. Possibly a little harsh but he did dig the hurley into the ribs of his man. No need to wash that jersey.

An attempt at a short sideline cut goes badly wrong for Clare leading Ger to observe:

“They've perfected that over the last number of years”.

61 mins Eleven points from frees now for Limerick.

63 mins Goal for Clare! Aaron Cunningham again, running straight at the Limerick defense and once again strikes the ball straight off the stick – fantastic goal. Why wasn't he starting?

65 mins Shane O'Donnell ties up the game with his first score. He has been nothing short of heroic for Clare today.

67 mins A massive point by John Fitzgibbon puts Limerick a point ahead.

70 mins Game over, a one point win for Limerick.

An excellent and exciting second half, lit up by the brilliant goals of Aaron Cunningham, but Clare's indiscipline ultimately cost them.

Cian Lynch excelled for Limerick in his championship debut and looks to have real star potential. All in all, Limerick won the game without being massively impressive and owe a lot to the freetaking of Shane Dowling. They don't seem to carry a great goal threat but are dogged and tough around the middle in what is a fairly defensive-minded setup.

Clare can take heart from aspects of their second half performance and look forward to the return of Conor McGrath from injury. Their lack of discipline, however, is alarming, considering it was the main cause of their downfall last year and doesn't seem to have been addressed.

Post Match Analysis

A disputed point by Dowling is shown on a slow motion replay which to my eyes doesn't lend any more clarity to the situation. Michael seems convinced it was over the bar and helpfully adds:

“It might have been an important score if it hadn't gone between the posts, but it did.”

We've all been waiting with a sense of guilty pleasure for Davy's postmatch interview – he chased referee Colm Lyons down the tunnel after the game, and I don't think it was a handshake he was looking for...

And here he is!

This is classic sulking Davy – eyes rooted to the floor, paranoid, vague suggestions of conspiracy theories, so so proud of each and every one of those lads inside in that dressing room so he is, not being drawn into criticising officials, no way you're not drawing him into that, 100% convinced that they didn't deserve to lose that match.

If he actually believes what he's saying, little wonder that Clare's defending hasn't improved. It's all the referee's fault and they have nothing to improve upon in terms of their tackling. Don't ever change Davy.

That's all for now folks, tune in next Sunday for Dublin vs Galway in the Leinster Hurling Championship.

Slán.